Everyday Irritations

Best of ESHRINK for Father’s Day: Does anybody answer the damn phone?

Need a doctor? Have an emergency? Please hold and try not to die!

6.18.23: Introduction

For Father’s Day I decided one of Eshrink’s most popular posts–WITH AN UPDATE and EXPLANATION on his dereliction of duties as author of ESHRINK BLOG is appropriate for his fans.

EXPLANATION: Eshrink (my dad) has been head down working on his historical novel (DON’T call it a biography–he has that “Dutch” quality where one doesn’t make anything about “themselves”…I think he has a blog about learning from his mother that “one doesn’t brag” about their accomplishments OR the accomplishments of their children….dad, correct me if I’m wrong). Anyway, Eshrink’s progeny has requested that he use his interesting perspective with 92 years on this planet to write about how things were and how they’ve changed…he has certainly lived history. I understand creatives need time and space to create their masterpieces so I’m recycling some of his most popular blog posts from the archive to keep his fans updated.

THE UPDATE to “DOES ANYONE ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE?” I think dad sarcastically predicted this, but it actually came to fruition. Gregg, my S.O. (when you’re in your late 50s, the title “boyfriend” seems somewhat inaccurate…man friend? Partner? Dude? Significant Other works for this purpose) needed a direct flight to Las Vegas for a sales meeting. He decided to try SPIRIT Airline at my urging– I had a good experience last year when I flew direct to Vegas with the kids. When he found out the main meeting was actually starting a day later, he tried to change his flight and that’s when it happened (Spirit Airline was perfectly fine with you wanting to handle the situation via phone but they explained they would charge you $25 if you wanted to actually talk to a human being) Needless to say, he kept his flight (their online user interface for changing flights was quite dreadful…I’m sure intentionally so). I guess I’ve inherited my dad’s “CURMUDGEON” tendencies and sarcasm! Please enjoy this post from 2014.

===========================

DOES ANYONE ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE?

One would think that anyone who has been on this planet as long as I would have “seen it all”.  Well not quite.  The other day I had occasion to call our local hospital and found myself listening to a recording.  After my initial shock, I decided that I must have called the wrong number, but redial confirmed my worst fears as the voice instructed me to call 911 if this were an emergency, but assured me the operator would be back on the line shortly (whenever she finished her coffee break?).  It left me wondering if the hospital was no longer in the emergency business.

Fortunately for my coronary arteries I was spared the indignity of hearing the ultimate contradiction of how important was my call.  Whenever I hear that message, I begin to salivate like Pavlov’s dog, and scream “if it is so important why don’t  you answer the damn phone”!  I was however subjected to the usual noises masquerading as music while I fumed and waited.  My record of listening to these awful sounds punctuated with that stupid lie about the importance of my call is forty three and one half minutes.  Fortunately the hospital operator answered in only a few minutes, but I was still in shock.  She assured me that she had been on the line talking to others, but I am still not convinced that she wasn’t taking a break.

Prior to the dawn of the technology age, the hospital operator served a very important function not only as a purveyer of all kinds of useful information about the hospital, but as a link to the outside world.  It was her/his responsibility to initiate procedures to mobilize crisis units in case of local disasters for example.  A more forward thinking person than myself would not have been surprised by this unthinkable event, for I should have known that when hospitals began to refer to their patients as customers that these so called not for profit organizations had set out to emulate their profit based cousins in the business world.  Perhaps an appropriate motto would be “if you like General Motors, you will love this hospital”.

Many accuse we old folks as being resistive  to change which is probably true; however we have been around long enough see what was promoted as progress to sometimes turn out to be regress.  I figure it must have been an old guy who coined the phrase, “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”.  Now II realize this phone thing has been a boon doggle for many workers, as I can see how it provides them opportunity to goof off, socialize with coworkers, play video games, or take care of excretory functions, and I have always been in favor of fringe benefits for workers; however my forty three and a half minutes of time is gone forever and I don’t have much of that commodity left.   One of my Grandkids suggested that a solution might be to leave my phone on speaker, a novel idea (fight technology with more technology), but that interferes with my nap.  The bottom line (see even I have been corrupted by corporate influences) is that I will simply need to adjust, not easy for an old guy.

Though I realize that we will never go back to the days when a call was answered by a live human being who simply said hello, I feel there should be some punishment levied against the person who invented this tool designed to inflict such diabolical punishment.  In my last letter, I had suggested in a fit of anger that someone should be lynched.  I didn’t mean that as I am against capital punishment, mob violence, or torture.  However; I would be in favor of his being sent to the Haque to face charges of Crimes against Humanity.

Father’s Day Note from the Editor: I love you dad…that goes without saying…some of the qualities I admire most about you are your determination, your patience (not with technology but with humans), your compassion, your loyalty, passion for learning, and how you have always been there for us. I always felt heard…even as a child. When I say, “You’re the best dad on the planet,” it’s not hyperbole…it’s a FACT!

10 items or less sign in grocery store

Eshrink and Editor – Point/Counterpoint? | Everyday Irritations | The 10 Items or Less EXPRESS Lane

Hello Loyal Eshrinkblog readers!

This is Maggie, daughter and editor of Eshrink’s blog. We’ve been on hiatus with technical difficulties, both computer related (more detail in a future blog post I’m sure…here’s an oldie but a goodie about computer stuff) and health related. Since Eshrink has been using his hospital stay and convalescence as an excuse to slack off, I decided I better find a way to get us jump started before all of his loyal readers abandon him for YouTube! In his defense, he tells me he is working on a masterpiece (the one he already finished once, but the computer deleted it)…in an attempt to lighten the load and return to our Curmudgeon Roots (a.k.a., a safe place to complain about “first world problems” in hopes we can all find some common ground, deeper meaning, and comfort), I’ve taken on a point/counterpoint about the EXPRESS LANE…specifically, violation of the Express Lane/Line…whatever

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Today’s topic: The EXPRESS Lane (note EXPRESS in all caps). We’re talking about the 10 ITEMS or LESS lane at the grocery store. 

I was at the grocery store today on my lunch break when I had to face the ugly truth: I exhibit rule bias.

I race to the checkout lanes, five items in my hand, and when I turn the corner, the line of people stretches across the aisle into the produce section! I have my coat on, balancing my items in my hand because who would need a cart in the express lane? Apparently, people who can’t read; people who don’t think the rules apply to them; people who think their time is way more important than anybody else’s; and people who just don’t pay attention. Anyway…the non-express line is longer than the “express” so I evaluate the situation.

Side bar: the lesson I’ve learned to successfully navigate these “First World Irritations” is to conduct mental gymnastics in order to make me feel better about said irritation, excuse other people, and somehow make myself feel like a kind person who is helping the world. The mental gymnastics can be exhausting…more detail below.

Okay…back to the grocery store and the rule bias…or even “bigotry” I mentioned earlier. In front of me…WITH THEIR CART…was an elderly couple. I didn’t want to be too obvious as I stretched my neck to inventory their cart, but I counted at least 20 items. In the past, I would have simply said to the Express Line Delinquents, “Since I have less than 10 items, do you mind if I jump ahead to check out?”

Side bar: However, I waive that option if I’m not in a hurry and want to make myself feel like a good person by saying to myself, “I’m not in a hurry, I bet they have to pick up kids, get to work, are having a bad day, on their way to visit someone at the hospital…” it goes on and on.

I had a colleague who told me he viewed behavior above (in addition to politely telling loud talkers in a movie theater that their talking is making it hard to hear the movie) as me being confrontational. Really? Confrontational? I just feel it’s way more productive and actually nicer than muttering under my breath, “How rude! Who do you think you are holding up the express lane!” I find the annoyance leaves much quicker after I say something to the person in a polite/professional manner. I’ve had different responses in the past that range from “Oh my gosh…I’m so sorry…I didn’t see the sign” to “Sure…go for it” and only one or two snotty, “I’m in a hurry…I don’t have much more than 10” or the “What are you…the line-Nazi” look accompanied by an adolescent eye roll.

But during this “express line breach” the fact that I was in full hot flash, in a hurry, and irritated did NOT prompt me to correct these express-line violators. And that’s when I realized, I’m a bigot (if they wouldn’t have been a cute, elderly couple and it was a yuppie-looking GQ guy, or Escalade-driving stay-at-home mom, I would have felt obligated to enforce the 10 ITEMS or LESS RULE and “make a scene” as my dad used to threaten). Instead, I decided to ride it out…mentally telling myself that the cute elderly couple might feel awful if I pointed out they were breaking the rules, also…it’s a lot more difficult for them to stand in a long line than me, and finally it’s just not that important in the big scheme of things. Once I decided to accept the breach, I felt better and low and behold, a cashier opened a new line and waved me over…

DAMN…another dilemma! When a new line opens, you always send the people IN FRONT OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN WAITING IN LINE LONGER THAN YOU to the new line…or at least give them the option. But I just didn’t have the time! I rationalized that the new line opened as my reward for the mental gymnastics I successfully completed to fully accept the Express Lane Rule Breakers with a good heart…but that’s how it starts…it’s a slippery slope as they say 🙂

Eshrink: I’m turning it over to you. Express Line Violators is the subject. What do you think is the best way to handle them? The rules are clear, the penalties are severe…treat them all the same? We are nothing if not a grocery store of rules? Maybe some passive aggressive tactics are warranted? Write below the line please.

ESHRINK EXPRESS LINE RESPONSE

On a planet of 7.7 billion inhabitants, it is clear there will be many different opinions as to what is acceptable behavior.  Amongst the animal kingdom, there appear to be unwritten rules which have evolved in the service of the survival of each species.  Since we humans with our big brains can find infinitely more ways to screw things up, we have developed millions of rules, most of which are ignored.  Nevertheless, there have been many examples of the serious consequences to a society when there is no enforcement of rules as we now see in Central America, and even worse when rule makers and enforcers are corrupt leading to all kinds of atrocities.  Our own country is now experiencing a crisis of sorts over the interpretation of rules.

 

As a matter of fact, for many, the reason for rules has been long forgotten, and some seem to enjoy circumventing them whether by robbing a bank or cheating at the check out line.  I must admit there is something satisfying about “getting away” with something and there are instances when civil disobedience is honorable.

 

Although I consider myself to be a follow-the-rules kind of guy and would never consider violating the 10 items or less rule, I do recall  pleasurable feelings regarding my violation of the “though shalt not steal” rule about 75 years ago.  My friend Bill and I with malice aforethought carefully planned a midnight raid on the cider press In Jake Davis’s apple orchard.  Although our presence was announced by Jake’s coon hounds, we managed to escape with a gallon jug of freshly squeezed cider which we proceeded to drink under cover of a near by haymow*.  It was one of those clear crisp October nights when the grandeur of that night sky with its limitless canopy of stars was overwhelming, and one could hardly doubt the existence of a God.  Nevertheless, we wallowed in our sinfulness without thought of retribution and quibbled over who was drinking the most cider.  Now , I can attest to the fact that a half gallon or so of fresh apple cider can have a dramatic effect on an adolescent colon.  This can  be especially disconcerting when said adolescent spends much of a cold autumn night perched over a privy* hole.

 

You may be wondering what this has to do with the question at hand and the answer is probably nothing. However, I do remember thinking that I would never ever steal anything again.  Could it be that by extension, that mantra includes other forms of ethical behaviors, leaving me stuck with the compulsion to heed the 10 or less item sign?

 

Regarding Maggie’s query as to how to handle the problem, I have no answers, but as usual can offer a complaint.  Rules are made to be if not broken as some would have it, at least to be tested (a la the Trump response to congressional queries); consequently if there are no penalties rules are unenforceable and therefore worthless.  If a store makes a rule, they should be prepared to enforce it otherwise, as Maggie points out, they are complicit.  As for confrontation of the offender- probably not a good idea in the era of concealed carry permits.

 

Best of ESHRINK for Father’s Day: Does anybody answer the damn phone?

Need a doctor? Have an emergency? Please hold and try not to die!

6.18.23: Introduction

For Father’s Day I decided one of Eshrink’s most popular posts–WITH AN UPDATE and EXPLANATION on his dereliction of duties as author of ESHRINK BLOG is appropriate for his fans.

EXPLANATION: Eshrink (my dad) has been head down working on his historical novel (DON’T call it a biography–he has that “Dutch” quality where one doesn’t make anything about “themselves”…I think he has a blog about learning from his mother that “one doesn’t brag” about their accomplishments OR the accomplishments of their children….dad, correct me if I’m wrong). Anyway, Eshrink’s progeny has requested that he use his interesting perspective with 92 years on this planet to write about how things were and how they’ve changed…he has certainly lived history. I understand creatives need time and space to create their masterpieces so I’m recycling some of his most popular blog posts from the archive to keep his fans updated.

THE UPDATE to “DOES ANYONE ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE?” I think dad sarcastically predicted this, but it actually came to fruition. Gregg, my S.O. (when you’re in your late 50s, the title “boyfriend” seems somewhat inaccurate…man friend? Partner? Dude? Significant Other works for this purpose) needed a direct flight to Las Vegas for a sales meeting. He decided to try SPIRIT Airline at my urging– I had a good experience last year when I flew direct to Vegas with the kids. When he found out the main meeting was actually starting a day later, he tried to change his flight and that’s when it happened (Spirit Airline was perfectly fine with you wanting to handle the situation via phone but they explained they would charge you $25 if you wanted to actually talk to a human being) Needless to say, he kept his flight (their online user interface for changing flights was quite dreadful…I’m sure intentionally so). I guess I’ve inherited my dad’s “CURMUDGEON” tendencies and sarcasm! Please enjoy this post from 2014.

===========================

DOES ANYONE ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE?

One would think that anyone who has been on this planet as long as I would have “seen it all”.  Well not quite.  The other day I had occasion to call our local hospital and found myself listening to a recording.  After my initial shock, I decided that I must have called the wrong number, but redial confirmed my worst fears as the voice instructed me to call 911 if this were an emergency, but assured me the operator would be back on the line shortly (whenever she finished her coffee break?).  It left me wondering if the hospital was no longer in the emergency business.

Fortunately for my coronary arteries I was spared the indignity of hearing the ultimate contradiction of how important was my call.  Whenever I hear that message, I begin to salivate like Pavlov’s dog, and scream “if it is so important why don’t  you answer the damn phone”!  I was however subjected to the usual noises masquerading as music while I fumed and waited.  My record of listening to these awful sounds punctuated with that stupid lie about the importance of my call is forty three and one half minutes.  Fortunately the hospital operator answered in only a few minutes, but I was still in shock.  She assured me that she had been on the line talking to others, but I am still not convinced that she wasn’t taking a break.

Prior to the dawn of the technology age, the hospital operator served a very important function not only as a purveyer of all kinds of useful information about the hospital, but as a link to the outside world.  It was her/his responsibility to initiate procedures to mobilize crisis units in case of local disasters for example.  A more forward thinking person than myself would not have been surprised by this unthinkable event, for I should have known that when hospitals began to refer to their patients as customers that these so called not for profit organizations had set out to emulate their profit based cousins in the business world.  Perhaps an appropriate motto would be “if you like General Motors, you will love this hospital”.

Many accuse we old folks as being resistive  to change which is probably true; however we have been around long enough see what was promoted as progress to sometimes turn out to be regress.  I figure it must have been an old guy who coined the phrase, “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”.  Now II realize this phone thing has been a boon doggle for many workers, as I can see how it provides them opportunity to goof off, socialize with coworkers, play video games, or take care of excretory functions, and I have always been in favor of fringe benefits for workers; however my forty three and a half minutes of time is gone forever and I don’t have much of that commodity left.   One of my Grandkids suggested that a solution might be to leave my phone on speaker, a novel idea (fight technology with more technology), but that interferes with my nap.  The bottom line (see even I have been corrupted by corporate influences) is that I will simply need to adjust, not easy for an old guy.

Though I realize that we will never go back to the days when a call was answered by a live human being who simply said hello, I feel there should be some punishment levied against the person who invented this tool designed to inflict such diabolical punishment.  In my last letter, I had suggested in a fit of anger that someone should be lynched.  I didn’t mean that as I am against capital punishment, mob violence, or torture.  However; I would be in favor of his being sent to the Haque to face charges of Crimes against Humanity.

Father’s Day Note from the Editor: I love you dad…that goes without saying…some of the qualities I admire most about you are your determination, your patience (not with technology but with humans), your compassion, your loyalty, passion for learning, and how you have always been there for us. I always felt heard…even as a child. When I say, “You’re the best dad on the planet,” it’s not hyperbole…it’s a FACT!